Whatever You Do, Don’t Quit Your Job!
The world today is based on work. You work for someone else. You work for yourself. You own your own business and you work at that. You own someone else’s business, and they work for you. You’re a mover and a shaker, and people everywhere work because of you and your influence.
Work work work work work!
Do you like to work? Do you enjoy commuting every single day, wasting hours and hours of your life behind the wheel? Do you love your boss? Do your co-workers inspire you to become a better person? Can you even IMAGINE your life without that job to hold you together?
Well, luckily, you don’t have to! Utilize all of the following concepts as a reminder that no matter what, whatever happens, NEVER EVER QUIT YOUR JOB!
College – Go through 4 years of high school wanting to do nothing but get drunk, do drugs, and have sex. Be denied all of that by your entire society. Now pay 20,000 to 40,000 per year, move into a dormitory unsupervised where you can indulge in as much sex, drugs, and booze as you want to, and then be expected to focus on your career goals. This makes sense, right?
Job Hunting – This one is simple. You can’t get a decent job because you don’t have any experience. You can’t get any experience because you don’t have a decent job. Repeat.
Payroll – You make plenty of money, right? In fact, you wish you could give some BACK to your employer every week. After all, they have been generous enough to give you a job, the least you could do is add some of your own pitiful salary to their already fat bank accounts.
Management – Your boss could not possibly be any smarter or more in touch with you and your fellow coworkers. In fact, it’s a miracle that your boss is only a manager, and doesn’t actually own the whole company. He or she is, in fact, your very Guiding Light. Don’t do anything to jeopardize that valuable resource!
Day Shift – Here’s a question: Whose bright idea was it for almost every person in America to go to work at exactly the same time, to go to lunch at exactly the same time, and to leave at the end of the day at exactly the same time? Your life would NOT be easier if you were allowed to telecommute, set your own hours, or perhaps think of your own resourceful way to get your job done every day. Stick with day shift, and pass the road rage, please.
Co-workers – Now here is a lovely idea. Take a whole bunch of people who have absolutely nothing in common except their need for a very small paycheck, force them into situations that they hate, and ask them to get along, smile, and be team players. Don’t forget to give a wink and a nod to Greaser Bob at the office who may actually not even own a shower, or to Perfume Pam who thinks that personal aroma products are to be doled out in serving sizes, not in spritzes.
Benefits – Thank the Maker that you can work between 50 and 80 hours each week for the privilege of paying hundreds of pounds of the money that you make working 50 to 80 hours each week for a benefits package that doesn’t cover squat in case you end up in the hospital and have to stay for 50 to 80 hours each week. Was that a run-on sentence?
Pension Plan – Here is another gem of today’s society. Work for the same company for the 40 years needed to retire in order to earn a pension plan that gives you a small weekly percentage of the money that wasn’t enough for you to live off of in the first place.
In conclusion, it seems that we have clearly demonstrated that getting and holding on to a corporate position is DEFINITELY something that you want to to do.
However, if you think that any or all of the above rings very true and you just want OUT, then by all means, take the leap. The ridiculous scenario illustrated above will still be there later if you decide to go back to it!
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